The world will not allow me to settle.
It detests my complacency.
Whether it is self-inflicted loss of direction or a conspiracy some higher force has with me, I cannot seem to keep a decent job for long.
It’s as if any job that would give me a comfortable life is sabotaged by another more urgent matter or by crabs in a bucket.
Whereas dead end jobs seem to follow me around, taunting me and daring me to keep it.
It’s not that it bothers me at all. I wouldn’t be happy with being comfortable. It’s not what I want. I do not want to live a comfortable life right now.
I want the world and I want to be able to give it to others.
I want a life where I could truthfully tell myself and tell others that the possibilities are limitless.
Coming to Vietnam was a plan C at best. But what happens when plan C doesn’t pan out? I don’t think I have a plan D. Do I go back to the drawing board? Do I start all over?
I spent a whole evening losing sleep while brooding over my current situation. Then it came like a balloon being inflated from within my head. Doubt. Yes, I occasionally doubt myself too. I started to remember all the times I’ve been told I should put my degree to good use, that I wasn’t suited to do business, or that what I wanted to do was too risky or insecure. I remembered that there are people who doubt me and there are people who feel I should do something else, something safe. I started to feel like everything I did up until now was a waste of time. I started to think that what I want to accomplish in my life is impossible.
Now, after trying not to think about it for a few days, I am starting to remember why.
Why it is imperative that I believe in myself and believe in those around me.
Why I absolutely must succeed.
Why I absolutely cannot settle.
Why I absolutely must persevere despite the obstacles and challenges.
Why it is impossible for me to give up the dream.
All this moving and trying to settle in made me nearly forget something very important. Plan C wasn’t a backup plan incase plan A & B failed. Plan C was a detour to get to plan A. Plan B isn’t a backup plan either. It’s just another plan to achieve plan A.
So consumed I was by all the doubters and debtors that I nearly forgot all those who believe in me. I nearly forgot all those I have disappointed thus far and all those who are still waiting for me to reach my potential. I nearly forgot those I have failed and all those who will continue to stand by me even after I fail again just to make sure I get back up again.
I won’t accept that all that I have done has been a loss or a waste of my time. It has led me to today and today is where opportunity awaits. Now the question that remains is if I’ll be able to hold on this time or will I let it slip through my fingers again?
