November is starting off properly. It started by doing absolutely nothing. Just one day. But it makes me feel ready for the rest of the month.
Now that I’ve gotten my day I can say to the world: let’s dance.
Less
More
Archive for the 'Checking In' Category
I’m excited.
Hm, I’m not sure if that even accurately describes how I feel right now. It’s like a mix of excitement and anxiousness. It’s like being a teen sneaking out to meet that girl or guy you like. Yeah. I think that’s it. One part mischief, one part anxiousness, and one part excitement.
I’ve been waiting all month for this. I tried to take care of all the leftover business in order to move on to what I want. Unfortunately, my parents left me with more chores than I can count and even some of my chores have got chores. Oh, and it’s not good enough to get them done. I gotta do the chores their way. I’m guessing they don’t want me going to see anyone. Quite frankly, I don’t care what they want. It’s their house. They can do the chores their damn self. I got somewhere I need to be. If I’m gonna do any chores it’s gonna be done my way. I’ve wasted enough time trying to get things just right for them. I got somewhere I need to be and I’m already late. No one waits forever and certainly not for me.
This last weekend was a small taste of things to come. Lots of friends in town and lots of mischief to be had. Though I didn’t get to see everyone, I was surprised by faces I hadn’t seen in a long time. It was nice. Made me understand a few things: the past brought me to the present and yet it’s still the past, the present is guided by what I want in the future and yet it’s meant to be lived without regrets, and the future closes the loop of the past and yet it’s also constantly changing.
It’s all a matter of time. And just like time, life is simply a construction of human kind in order to maintain, well, order. We all eagerly struggle to find meaning and purpose that we are quick to listen to someone else tell us what we should what to do, when to do it, and why we should do it. Eventually, all we know of ourselves is what we’ve been told.
Why not decide for yourself where your life shall go. I’ve decided for myself. And I am very excited.
2009: The CSW Year.
Talk about starting the week off on the wrong foot. Hopefully this doesn’t continue as it’s been bad news after bad news for the last couple of days. My waking moments are filled with one stressful moment after another and my sleeping moments, as is evident by my last post, provide no solace either. But enough of my whinning.
Let’s recap Round 9 shall we:
bills have started to pile up,
I have no real income,
stress has outweighed and has even effected the stress relief of the gym,
my beatings during the day are so bad my nights do not provide good sleep,
I contemplated bankruptcy but decided to try out debt assistance first,
strong winds blew down yet another tree,
I can’t prop up the tree by myself,
there isn’t anyone around to help me prop up the tree,
to fix the pool heater on the vacation home will cost about $2800,
I lost power to the vacation home,
of the remaining 5 houses, 4 have just entered foreclosure.
Yeah, I took a real thrashing in Round 9. Wait. It’s already the 7th of Oct. Heh, looks like some of this occurred in Round 10. Well, Round 10 looks to be exciting too. On the bright side I may actually accomplish human hibernation through part of Fall and all of Winter. Hm, that’s not right. The bright side doesn’t seem like much of a bright side.
Ok, enough of my dramatics. It’s not that bleak. Anthony’s family, my sponsored child through Children International (www.children.org), only makes $90 a month. Now, you make wonder how someone in my situation can afford to sponsor a child for $22 a month when I can’t even pay my bills. That’s actually quite simple (I take that back. As it turns out it wasn’t so simple so if you want to save yourself from my insanity and avoid experiencing exactly how much I can stray off topic skip the whole quoted section to the very bottom).
Think about it this way. I see an ad or was approached by a representative of Children International and I was asked to help sponsor a child for less than 80 cents a day and I declined thinking “I can’t even pay my own bills how am I suppose to help someone else,” and walked away without giving it a second thought. Then I go home, turn on all the lights in my house (even the bathroom though I not going to use it), turn on my cable tv (though I not going to watch anything), turn on my radio, check my iPhone, and snack on all the junk food I just bought that will undoubtedly negate any gains I would have attained at the gym. Then as I choke on a greasy chip and almost black out I realize how wasteful I am and how I probably could afford to help someone else if I could just turn off the tv I am not watching anyway! Then I invisibly slap myself (heh heh, I like this phrase, I’m keeping it Rollie) because I realize that I must be going out of my mind because I just made all that up and have no idea why I am talking about Children International in a post that should be about my Las Vegas challenges up to date. Just to make it clear I do not have cable, do not watch tv, DO NOT have an iPhone (that stupid “sent via iPhone” I get in e-mails makes me want to put my head through my monitor), and do not have much food at all to even consider buying junk food. I was just approached by a cute girl so I signed up (hahahahahahaha, oh boy. Hmm, has anyone seen my marbles? hahahahahahaha). Seriously though (if I can even really be serious), I have thought about canceling my sponsorship due to my lack of funds and I always decide that I live a very privileged life that can afford $22 a month to help someone who has nowhere near the conveniences I take for granted in life.
Anyway, as I was saying, the bright side is that I learned a lot from this whole experience and when I am done here (before 2009 arrives) I am going to get a fresh start (handicapped by my pitiful credit score of course) and show that being knocked down does not mean being knocked out.
Enjoy the month. The new year approaches near.
September was the toughest month for me all year. I think I said that before about previous months but that’s just how bad it has been. Each month feels worse than the one before. I might get a little break for a weekend or maybe even a week but 2008 has been without a doubt the most challenging year of my young life. That’s right, “young.” Too many friends complaining about how old they are. Geez, we’ve barely lived and everyone is talking about how old we’re getting. We’re a long way away from rightfully calling ourselves old! Sorry, I digress.
Anyway, where was I. That’s right, it has been the most challenging year of my young life. It has actually been a rough year for a lot of my friends too. I don’t mean to belittle their troubles by complaining about my troubles. Though, this year feels like things have been working against me. I actually had a bad feeling about 2008 but tried to make the best of it. I’m not going into a year thinking it’s going to be a terrible year. That’s just depressing. Despite all the tough months I did manage to enjoy many moments in 2008. I learned a lot about real estate, business, my family, and myself. I got to spend time with my second sister and watch her graduate. I spent time with my friends in Vegas, with many of my friends who have made trips to Las Vegas and I got to take many trips myself between Las Vegas, Southern California, and Northern California. I went back to Vietnam to visit the motherland with my siblings and visit my family in Vietnam. I’ve seen new places and met new friends. No, 2008 was not a complete disaster. However, it has been marked by a theme of stormy weather with last month being the worst I had to bear.
At one point I actually felt that everything was too much and I had no where to go. I had got in over my head and I couldn’t think of any options to pursue. Up the creek without a paddle, comrades, or R. Kelly singing “My minds tellin’ me no, but my body, my body is tellin’ me yeah…” And this is not something I’d admit lightly since I do have my reputation to maintain. I pride myself on being optimistic and being able to figure out some way to make the best of any situation. If people knew that despite my optimistic sarcasm and stupid goofball humor that I was really just as vulnerable as they are they may start to think that I’m on the same level as them. Pfffft, let’s not go into why that absolutely is not the case. Nevertheless, like my 2nd sister has said, everyone has their limits. Everyone has different limits but everyone has their break point. Pressure someone enough and they’ll react. Whether it’s in happiness or sadness, everyone has a point where they can’t hide the joys and disappointments of life.
Normally I wouldn’t write so seriously and straight forward, yes, this is actually me being pretty serious and straight forward, about such a down time in my life. However, I do so now because I can feel the winds changing. It started with my brother and RJ coming to help me move out of a house. After being able to argue over stupid topics with my brother I started to feel less stressed. I don’t often show that I’m stressed but I am human. I just suppress it because I don’t like being bummed out when I’m with friends. I like to enjoy my friends company when I can. Good moments with friends will be too far and few between as we get older. Older not old. Damn, off track again.
Anyway, this last week has presented a turning point in the year. Subtle but it surely has started. I could feel the force shift. The force? WTF? Need to stop listening to all that geek news on webcast. Anyway, I need to wrap this up as my attention is obviously slipping. As we entered into October I started feeling tons better. So much better that the winds in Vegas have actually picked up. Oh, if you don’t know I can affect the weather too, but we won’t get into that.
As the year comes to an end and 2009 approaches, I consider November the start of a new year, things will start changing for the better. For instance, I haven’t tried to watch Heroes, Bleach, or Naruto yet this week. That’s right, I have not. I know, it’s blasphemous. Like I said, the wind is coming. As in the movie, Chocolat, when the wind comes it’s time to move on. It’ll be more of a mental or perspective change in my life than a physical change. Though, I would really enjoy moving back to the Bay, however, there are many variables that make that decision hard to make right now. Yet, I do have a good feeling about it. I’ll say it again. The winds are starting to blow. A lot can happen in a short time and I have a really good feeling regarding the coming year!
Is anyone as excited as I am about this? Geez, I’m talking about a shift in the force here!
Enjoy the weekend everyone. Great things are coming.
My brother and long time family friend RJ flew in this weekend to help me do some moving. We moved a lot of furniture from one of my families investment proprieties into my mom’s house. There was A LOT of furniture. Thank goodness my brother and my friend were able to come help. I have no idea how I was gonna move all that stuff. We didn’t completely finish but we got all the big stuff. The only thing left are a few smaller items I can grab myself, a spa that I need to figure out how I’m gonna get, and a bunch of marble statues the bank can have for all I care. With this I am one step closer to getting this house off of my hands. It’s kinda sad considering how nice the house is. Unfortunately, I just don’t have the time, knowledge, or capacity to put into keeping it with so many other things going on. I might have moved things out of the house, but there are plenty of things keeping me from moving on from this real estate fiasco.
