Archive for the 'Life' Category

A Year of Results

Published on January 28, 2010 in Life. 0 Comments

I was reminded, by a really close friend, that I have yet to set my dedication for the year. Each dedication is meant to help me improve myself. It’s like a new years resolution except it sometimes take me a whole year before I can actually start working on it. Last years dedication didn’t seem to go anywhere, but things usually work out for the best so I’m not too worried about it. Besides, it’s been a new year for a while and I had not even thought about what this year should be dedicated to. Fortunately, the answer came pretty quick after taking a few minutes to think about it: results.

Over the last several years I have been trying to improve myself in order to obtain a goal. However, I haven’t had any real gauge of how much progress I have made. I feel I have made some progress in improving myself but there is no way to be certain. It’s like I’ve built up my potential but haven’t acted on any of it. Even if I feel that I have the potential to do so, if I never act I am as useless as a pen used for decoration. So this year, in order to verify that I’m progressing in the right direction, I seek to produce results. If I can’t produce some results this year, after several years of preparation, than I might as well give up on my dream.

In order to keep my dream alive I will produce results no matter what must be done, no matter what sacrifice must be made.

Losses, Waste, Potential, Opportunity

Published on November 23, 2009 in Life and the Beautiful Struggle. 0 Comments

The world will not allow me to settle.

It detests my complacency.

Whether it is self-inflicted loss of direction or a conspiracy some higher force has with me, I cannot seem to keep a decent job for long.

It’s as if any job that would give me a comfortable life is sabotaged by another more urgent matter or by crabs in a bucket.

Whereas dead end jobs seem to follow me around, taunting me and daring me to keep it.

It’s not that it bothers me at all. I wouldn’t be happy with being comfortable. It’s not what I want. I do not want to live a comfortable life right now.

I want the world and I want to be able to give it to others.

I want a life where I could truthfully tell myself and tell others that the possibilities are limitless.

Coming to Vietnam was a plan C at best. But what happens when plan C doesn’t pan out? I don’t think I have a plan D. Do I go back to the drawing board? Do I start all over?

I spent a whole evening losing sleep while brooding over my current situation. Then it came like a balloon being inflated from within my head. Doubt. Yes, I occasionally doubt myself too. I started to remember all the times I’ve been told I should put my degree to good use, that I wasn’t suited to do business, or that what I wanted to do was too risky or insecure. I remembered that there are people who doubt me and there are people who feel I should do something else, something safe. I started to feel like everything I did up until now was a waste of time. I started to think that what I want to accomplish in my life is impossible.

Now, after trying not to think about it for a few days, I am starting to remember why.

Why it is imperative that I believe in myself and believe in those around me.

Why I absolutely must succeed.

Why I absolutely cannot settle.

Why I absolutely must persevere despite the obstacles and challenges.

Why it is impossible for me to give up the dream.

All this moving and trying to settle in made me nearly forget something very important. Plan C wasn’t a backup plan incase plan A & B failed. Plan C was a detour to get to plan A. Plan B isn’t a backup plan either. It’s just another plan to achieve plan A.

So consumed I was by all the doubters and debtors that I nearly forgot all those who believe in me. I nearly forgot all those I have disappointed thus far and all those who are still waiting for me to reach my potential. I nearly forgot those I have failed and all those who will continue to stand by me even after I fail again just to make sure I get back up again.

I won’t accept that all that I have done has been a loss or a waste of my time.  It has led me to today and today is where opportunity awaits.  Now the question that remains is if I’ll be able to hold on this time or will I let it slip through my fingers again?

I Believe I

Published on June 9, 2009 in Life, Pursuit for Happyness and Theories. 1 Comment Tags: .

There’s a song off the Blade 2(?) soundtrack, performed by Mos Def, called I Against I. Bottom line, we get in our own way. For what ever reason, we sometimes sabotage our own chances at success and reaching our goals.
Sometimes it’s for better, sometimes it’s for worse. Regardless, it sucks to continually second guess oneself. I would much rather believe in myself and approach live with my head up even if it means being wrong, feeling stupid, being embarrassed, or feeling awkward. Funny thing though; having confidence kinda scratches feeling stupid, embarrassed and awkward out of the picture.
I’m much rather be confident and wrong than stupid, embarrassed, or awkward, and right.
Nobody has a 100% success rate, but everyone can have an I Believe I mentality.

WWGD, the 3 Signs

Published on June 8, 2009 in Life and Pursuit for Happyness. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

Despite all the uncertainties in my life right now I’ve become confident in my decisions with respect to the major choices I am facing. It’s a little weird but a major part of my confidence comes from seeing or receiving signs that I have support from, umm, other sources beyond convention.
Ok, so I’m not very religious but I do pray. I also ask Apollo and Delilah for assistance sometimes. Apollo and Delilah are ghosts or guardian angels or maybe figments of my imagination (I know, crazy).
I have explanations for their existence as all three but this isn’t about explaining them right now. This is about being reassured of my position in life.

Sign 1:
About a week ago I was on the phone at night and I went to lay down on my bed. Shortly after I laid down I felt something wet drop on the left side of my face. I quickly sat up and whipped my face. My lights were off so I couldn’t see it but something moist was definitely on my face. It wasn’t raining and besides, I was in my room! Even if it was raining there was no way it’d be raining in my room! Well, maybe as I laid down some spit left my mouth and strategically landed right on my face? I was talking on the phone after all. Except my mouth wasn’t full of saliva while I was talking and if saliva was projected out of my mouth it would have flown away from my face rather than towards my face. Well, maybe I just drooled on myself? Except I currently have facial hair and the drool would have been stuck to the corner of my mouth. So the only explanation left is either Apollo or Delilah spit on my face to reassure me that, yes, they are indeed still watching out for me.

Sign 2:
A couple of days after the “spit” incident I wake up in the morning and grabbed my iPhone to see what time it is. It was on my left on my bed because I had grabbed it earlier when the alarm went off. I was currently in the snooze phase of my morning. When I looked at my phone though, something was weird. My icons had moved.
This is what my springboard normally looks like:
springboardicons011

This is what I saw when I woke up:
springboardicons02

Now, I may have done that accidentally in my sleep, but let’s think about this. I would have had to unlock my phone that has a pin requirement, hold down on an icon to initiate moving them, and then move the icons by accidentally swiping the icons to a different position by merely rolling around in my sleep. Now lets say my phone was already unlocked because I just snoozed it. You don’t have to put in the pin to snooze the alarm and even if I did the fact that I would have to hold an icon to move it and then move not just one but two icons is far fetched enough! So I think either Apollo or Delilah moved them around to let me know that, yes, they are indeed still watching out for me.

Sign 3:
Yesterday, I opened up the store at work. Before I did anything I decided to purge myself of carrying around extra waste for the day. While I was sitting down taking care of business I saw a black rubber bracelet on the shelf where we keep boxes and supplies. I was curious as to what it said so I grabbed it to take a look.
This is what I saw:
wwgd01b

I was half in disbelief and half reassured as all I could do was grin. When I first got this I wore it all the time to remind myself that life is short and I can’t spend every moment of my life worrying about what ifs and being overly self-conscious. I lost it a long while back and stopped worrying about where it may have gone off to. To eventually find it at work of all places is both a shock and a blessing. Shocked because I don’t see any reason why I would have taken it off while I was at work. Blessed because I am so sick of work that every time I go into work I want to quit on the spot. I have no explanation at all as to how I would have found it yesterday except that it’s a sign from the world that I need to not stress and go ahead with my plans to progress my position in life.

Now I suppose all of my “seeing is believing” explanations are legitimate. I suppose I could have spit on myself, I could have accidentally moved my icons around in my sleep, and I could have left my WWGD bracelet at work one day only to be found yesterday. However, then I have to ask myself why it’s all happening now? Is my body trying to subconsciously tell me something? Maybe it is and maybe I don’t need to worry about all that. Maybe I should just stop thinking about explanations and just start believing in the one thing that directly affects the direction of my life: myself.

Multi Path Life

Published on June 7, 2009 in Life. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

Ever question whether or not your choices are the right one? Or take extra time deciding what you should do? Yeah, that’s what my mind has been like for the last month. So indecisive and encumbered by, well, life in general.
There are these houses my family couldn’t afford for the last, hmm, almost 2 years since I moved to Vegas. Tuesday, June 9, 2009 being the last day I will be living in my house.
These is also this move to Vietnam to teach at American International School for at least 6 months to a year depending on the position I can attain.
There was the possibility of getting promoted to assistant manager at my retail job that I know I don’t want but could use the extra money for the next couple of months.
There is the question of what to do with my L & N Holdings company that I half own with a friend.
There is the choice of filing for bankruptcy or not filing for bankruptcy.
There is the potential of investing in gold & silver that will be harder to do if I’m in Vietnam.
There is also the idea of my health & fitness business that I know I can market.
So many choices to make and so much riding on each decision. Each choice with a consequence I can’t completely grasp. It all stresses me the F out. Well, it did until recently.
I’ve come to terms with the things I can’t change and the things that I have very little influence over. I’ve found the strength and knowledge to challenge the things that I thought I had no choice with. And I’ve been reassured of my ability to achieve my goals regardless of the adversity my journey will encounter.
The confidence in my decisions were lit by my desire to succeed despite my uncertainties. It was then fanned to life by a series of signs. It continues to mature with the simple decision to believe in myself.