Crap.
Watch one communitychannel clip and I get sent on a internet foray that sends me to the wine kone, the youtube live event, BoA’s Eat You Up music video, and Jon M. Chu’s ACDC online video battle with Miley’s & Mandy’s M&M CRU.
And now it’s 1am, I haven’t showered yet and I’m suppose to do some work for UCLA that will take a couple of hours. WTF!
I hate you Nat. Ok, no I don’t. But seriously I need to stop watching communitychannel.
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Archive for the 'Rant' Category
This is not the time to be trying to raise your voice at me.
This is not the time to get upset with me.
This is not the time to tell me about your problems.
This is not the time to tell me you feel wronged and cheated.
This is certainly not the time to tell me how bad things are for you.
And this is certainly not the time to blame me for not being able to rectify all of your problems.
I am the wrong person to be trying to take your frustrations out on.
I am tired of listening to people tell me how awful things are in their lives and yet are not willing to do the things necessary to change it. There are people suffering from life threatening issues and yet some of us feel that our lives are so terrible that it warrants complaining so damn much all the time. There is no need to go into a phase of depression and self loathing. Take some bloody responsibility for the position you’re in in your own life! And for crying out loud stop blaming everyone and everything that could have played a minuscule role in your oh so tormented life.
Now I am NOT saying you should stop complaining. I complain all the time. Heck, I’m complaining right now. It helps relieve stress and let go of frustrations. However, believe in yourself enough to know that you can do something about your situation. Give yourself some credit and understand that nothing is beyond your reach of rectifying. And for crying out loud have enough pride in yourself to know that regardless of who or what put you in your abysmal situation that you can get yourself out of it.
Now, if you don’t have enough faith in yourself to take responsibility for your position in life than I have a few suggestions for you: (1) go to www.projectmichelle.com and leave a comment on her blog telling her your problems. She can’t get out much these days so I’m sure she’d like to read about your depressing life issues. (2) If you are in the SF Bay Area check out a Winter Charity Ball “A Cause to Remember”. (3) send a holiday card to Children International, 2000 East Red Bridge Road, P.O. Box 219055, Kansas City, MO 64121 and let them know that you’d love to help but you can’t afford $22 a month because your life is far more worse than the starving children in poverty stricken countries.
I get it. A lot of us are going through shitty times. But we are smart enough and strong enough to get through it and become better off. Have faith in yourself.
“I dare do all that may become a man; Who dares do more is none.”
-Macbeth
I did my part. Now I got to walk away. At least for a little while. I can’t continue to think, worry, and feel for others. It’s just too much energy taken from what little reserves I have left. I have spent my whole life worrying and giving energy to everyone and everything I come in contact with. Now, I am afraid that I simply do not have that kind of energy any longer.
On top of everything else, this Vegas situation has taken enough of my time. I have done what I could but it is damn near impossible to climb out of a whole with an arm and a leg tied behind your back. All but one house is in default and by the end of this fiasco that might be all that’s left of this mess. At one point I was optimistic of holding on to at least half but, like I said, working without my resources makes things damn near impossible. I might have done things differently, but this wasn’t my deal and that’s not my problem any longer. I did my part and I’m walking away.
Working with someone who trusts no one is a pain in the ass. Always second guessing and trying to protect against everything is impossible! How did something as simple as renting out a house get dragged on for so long? There is work that must be done but after checking your basis the rest is clear sailing right? Try telling that to the guy who is too afraid his beautiful house will get trashed by renters to rent the damn house. Anyone with that much emotional attachment to any house that is being rented should not be involved with real estate. I did my part so I’m walking away.
I apologize to the people who were displaced from a house due to the home defaulting or were unable to rent a house due to paranoia, but I did what I could and now I gotta walk away.
To all the great causes out there. I think what you do is amazing and everyone should do their part. I did mine and now I gotta walk away.
To anyone who feels they need to gripe, complain, bitch, whine, and needs either a ear to be lent or a shoulder to cry on: you are looking in the wrong direction. If you come to me I will charge you for my time. Heavily.
One can’t give of themselves to the world unless there is something that can be given.
I didn’t hurt anyone and I didn’t turn the other way.
I did what I could and now I’m walking away.
So I have no problems to simply say:
Don’t take it personal, this is business.
2009, the year of CSW
I can regret my stupidity when I’m dead.
I’m excited.
Hm, I’m not sure if that even accurately describes how I feel right now. It’s like a mix of excitement and anxiousness. It’s like being a teen sneaking out to meet that girl or guy you like. Yeah. I think that’s it. One part mischief, one part anxiousness, and one part excitement.
I’ve been waiting all month for this. I tried to take care of all the leftover business in order to move on to what I want. Unfortunately, my parents left me with more chores than I can count and even some of my chores have got chores. Oh, and it’s not good enough to get them done. I gotta do the chores their way. I’m guessing they don’t want me going to see anyone. Quite frankly, I don’t care what they want. It’s their house. They can do the chores their damn self. I got somewhere I need to be. If I’m gonna do any chores it’s gonna be done my way. I’ve wasted enough time trying to get things just right for them. I got somewhere I need to be and I’m already late. No one waits forever and certainly not for me.
This last weekend was a small taste of things to come. Lots of friends in town and lots of mischief to be had. Though I didn’t get to see everyone, I was surprised by faces I hadn’t seen in a long time. It was nice. Made me understand a few things: the past brought me to the present and yet it’s still the past, the present is guided by what I want in the future and yet it’s meant to be lived without regrets, and the future closes the loop of the past and yet it’s also constantly changing.
It’s all a matter of time. And just like time, life is simply a construction of human kind in order to maintain, well, order. We all eagerly struggle to find meaning and purpose that we are quick to listen to someone else tell us what we should what to do, when to do it, and why we should do it. Eventually, all we know of ourselves is what we’ve been told.
Why not decide for yourself where your life shall go. I’ve decided for myself. And I am very excited.
2009: The CSW Year.
I’m starting to think my parents sabotaged my ability to get a strong grasp on my self image by naming me the way they did. This may also explain why the voices in my head are constantly arguing. I have a few… issues:
1. I confused my first name with my middle name up until a few years ago.
2. I have the same exact first name as my brother.
3. My parents don’t even call me by my name. They have another name that they call me by.
4. I have also had to explain to the police: “No, that is not me. The name is similar but I have never lived there, never owned that car, nor have I ever gone by that name.”
5. Vietnamese names are not very unique so accounts that do not belong to me often show up on my credit report. Thus I must explain: “No, that is not me. I know the name is similar but I have never heard of that company nor have I ever been taken to court by them. No, I do not owe them $13,000.”
Maybe I should just change my name to Thadeus Freud Nguyen.
