Since I celebrate life by reflecting, walking with death simply means I choose to life without worrying about regrets. This is different than trying to live life like it was your last day. That is impossible unless it is actually your last day. (Personally, if I knew, there would be a lot of cussing and a lot of unnecessary things being said. Of course there will be a lot of visiting family and friends and “I Love You”s also.)

Now, I have to remind myself often that life is way too short to continually worry about regrets. I use to worry constantly about tons of stuff. Tons of unnecessary things too. Then I realized that there will come a day when I will die. There is no escaping this. Simply cremate my skinny butt and separate 3 equal portions for Vietnam, Hong Kong, and California. That would make me happy. Do NOT under any circumstance keep me in an urn on someones mantle so that some idiot boyfriend of one of my grandchildren can come over and knock me down so that the cat can use my remains as kitty litter. That would make me very unhappy and I will haunt everyone involved.

Anyway, I digress. Life should not be lived worrying over every detail of every minute of every day. Life is too short. Rather than worry, simply live. Live happy and live open. Love recklessly and love often. Love is one of the few things that grows as we share it. As in The Zahir, Love is suppose to flow through us. Love is not suppose to be kept inside of us.

I choose to live my life without worrying about whether or not I’ll regret something later. We are humans. We will definitely do things in life that we will regret. There is no escaping this. I’ll worry about my regrets just before I die. Until then, I will live fully aware that death is never far and the only meaning I need in my life is to simply live.

Ever mindful, appreciative, and grateful I keep my loved ones in my heart and in my mind.

Happy Thanksgiving.
(Would someone please pass the pasta salad?)

Birthdays are a pretty big thing. For many, it’s a time of celebration, alcohol, and forgetting how old we are. For others, it’s a time for celebrating that we are still alive. For me, it’s a time to be thankful for everything and everyone in my life. And it is also a time to remember those who are no longer connected to me I am no longer able to directly connect with.

Only a couple of people even know this but I have been visiting cemeteries, 3 to be exact, annually for the last 3 or 4 years. Hm, actually I don’t even think the people who know I visit cemeteries even know how long I’ve been doing it. That in itself is not that strange. People visit cemeteries all the time. However, no one close to me has passed away. I go to the cemetery to visit people I hardly knew. I have met them, talked with them, and would even consider them friends if I was fortunate enough to spend more time with them. Unfortunately, I did not have the opportunity to spend more time with them. Actually, I take that back. It was not that I did not have the opportunity but rather I did not take the opportunities I was given. I could make all the excuses I want but fact is fact. I simply did not make the most of my time.

That last statement seems a little strange in itself given the context. Most usually wonder if they made the most of their time near the end of their own lives. Though, I suppose with each passing of someone I am even faintly connected to I become unshakably aware of my life and my time.

Now it is probably good to state that I tend to think about death a lot. So don’t go thinking that I’m depressed or going through some sort of dramatic “oh my gaw I’m turning blah” age crisis. I stopped worrying about my exact age a while ago and only ever think about it when (1) someone asks or (2) I have to fill out paperwork requiring my age.

The only reason this comes up now is due to how I choose to celebrate my birthday or rather my life. Many people know I do not have gatherings for my birthday. I gather with family and friends for Thanksgiving which always doubles as a birthday gathering for me. The last time I had any sort of gathering for my birthday was when I turned 18. I have celebrated my birthday since but it is usually because of some other event (thanksgiving, bbqs, etc.), other birthdays (there are many in November), or some friends wanted to take me out to dinner (I rarely ever turn down a meal). For the most part I rather be alone on my birthday. I stay home, give thanks, and pay my respects to everyone who has shaped my life. The only time I have not done this since I turned 18 was on the rare occasion that my birthday is the exact day of Thanksgiving (4 times every 31 years; twice since turning 18).

I am never sad on my birthday. Though, I may seem melancholic. It is always a time of celebration. I just do a lot of thinking as I choose to celebrate my life by reflecting on it before moving forward into a new year.

It is a conscious effort I make to remember and cherish those who are connected to me no matter how small that connection is. One day that connection will simply be a memory. One day that memory will be of someone very close and dear to me (hopefully I don’t, as I fear I might, become completely undone). There is no escaping this. This is a fact of life. Cherish and appreciate every moment you have with your family and friends. Nothing lasts forever.

Even if it’s in Spanish, my soul is still rooted in R&B:
X-Treme - Shorty, Shorty

This makes me wanna rock (plus it’s got Lil’ Weezy):
Kevin Rudolf - Let It Rock

For everyones inner geek:
http://www.youtube.com/Live

Not only is there gonna be a hand full of celebrities (and pop celebs that make me want to impale myself) there will also be a bunch of youtube notables! But it also looks like it’s gonna be the official launch of BoA’s US release. Now I don’t like all her music but her music videos are always entertaining. I’d embed the video but I can’t. Just go watch her 1st US single: Eat You Up.